I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
