I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
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Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
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She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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