Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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