Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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