Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
