New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
