he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
COCAINE IS GR8
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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