I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
