My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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