how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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