I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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