Porn is love you can see.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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