Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
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bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
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So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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