I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
