Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
what day is it and did you see me today?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
