So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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