And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
