i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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