Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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