I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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