when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
A bitchslap is in order.
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