textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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