It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
