im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
