why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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