OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
