You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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