Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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