I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my shit smells like andre
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
