I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
