He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
