boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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