Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Come on in and take your pants off
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