was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
