She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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