i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
