3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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