When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
