i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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