Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
