So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it was like eating out sand paper
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
