Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
