nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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