I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
