Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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