did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
