How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Randomize
