i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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