I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
