Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
