I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
