he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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