I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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