Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize