I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You can't just leave with hair like that
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
