I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
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You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize