How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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