i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You were trust falling into bushes
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
