I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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