i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i will never coherently bang her
sarcasm needs its own font
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
