Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
