i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
