How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
