so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Randomize
