I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
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She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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