No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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