i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
