Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
