I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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