you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
