i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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