does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
