how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
