Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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