ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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